Here's a secret for you...

Men really admire a woman who knows what they want in a relationship and who isn’t afraid to speak up.  Mature women (and I’m not talking age here!) appreciate this too.  Men secretly hope women won’t change; women secretly look at a man and see at all the things they want to change. 

You shouldn’t have to turn yourself inside out for someone else to be attracted to you.  And certainly you shouldn't do this to have a relationship.

For one thing, you’re not being genuine about who you are.  At some point in time - six months, a year, two years or lmaybe only a few weeks, you’re going to snap under the weight of being something you’re not. Maybe you really like this person, or are really longing to be in a relationship and decided to make sacrifices and compromises to be in one.  After all, you know compromise is part of a relationship. 

Yes, in decisions like where to eat dinner, or vacation, or where to live.  But not about things like your values, beliefs, morals, or your personality style.  An outgoing person can be subdued when it’s appropriate – that’s part of being mature, but an outgoing person trying to live their life as a subdued, demure, give-up-your-opinions-for-the-sake-of-harmony for a lifetime will cause resentment, inner strife and unhappiness.  The same with a quiet, reserved person who ‘ramps up’ to keep up with their go-go-go partner. 

With all this boiling up in you, at some point you’re going to explode.  Everyone else is going to think you’re crazy, that you’re going through some mid-life crisis, or for a woman, that you just need ‘hormones’  because yours are out of whack.    If they don’t snap, they may look drained and exhausted.  You might see this in someone you don’t know all that well, pick up something’s ‘off’ but not know where it comes from.
Guys, is seems, tend to retreat.  They might be home, but they hang out more in the garage or shop, work longer hours or other retreat-from-the-family activities.  The boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse gets angry because now the dynamics of the relationship have changed – you sold them a bill of goods.  All their decisions were based on false pretenses.  You’re not who you said (and represented yourself) you were. 

Be self-assured, and confidently say what’s on your mind. 

When I say speak up - I’m not talking about the mean, caustic and rude type of behavior. Always treat the other person...